The Best F'ing Chocolate Cake

 

The Best F'ing Chocolate Cake.  Yes.  And by that I mean THE F'ing Chocolate Cake.  That layer cake that is so freakin’ easy yet is so freakin' blow-your-mind good….My mom said it’s the best one I’ve ever made.

Now look, this a very well-known recipe.  I have unearthed zero new here.  But, in a way, for me, I have.  

Part and parcel of this blog deal-io, ya know, is sharing the best recipes out there, see.  This is one of them.  Like pull together a parade for this cake, holy cow.

I’ve had this recipe in my Paprika collection for, man, I don’t even know how long (ducking and hiding from Mike now) and had never tried it.  Back of the box, recipes on packaging, manufacturer websites can be hit or miss.  *shrug* I was wary.

My bad.  This The Best F'ing Chocolate Cake is eye-poppingly, hands-down gaga delicious.  Perfect, as they call it.

It’s just as simple as a box mix so this will handily replace that from now on for you, please and thank you.  You don’t even need a mixer, so there. 

Well, ok, you do because the perfect frosting for this The Best F'ing Chocolate Cake is 7-minute frosting.  Because duh, chocolate and marshmallow are BFF.

Use my Cocoa Mountain Frosting and leave out the cocoa.  Heh, or don't.  Chocolate it up, baby!

I made this for an evening at my folks’ and it was so good, I had to make it again the very next day for Mike and I.  Ahem, so I was told.

What’s extra cool about this cake (and I know, I have others here.  They’re stellar for their own reasons…you can never have enough chocolate cake recipes IMO), is that it’s not unlike the Chocolate Chip Cookie recipe. 

By that I mean, you can play with it and tweak it.  And while I haven’t done that, yet, you can do so by:

Use Cup for Cup gluten-free flour and it’ll work. 

Cut the sugar down (don’t go any further than half) or sub in brown sugar for part of the granulated.

Use buttermilk.  Use alternative milks (I’ve read).

Sub melted butter for the oil.

Add cinnamon.  Add cayenne.  Add both.  Add others. 

Use either natural or Dutch-processed cocoa.  Either will work.  Try various brands.

Turn it into eight inch layers.  A Bundt.  A 9x13 pan cake.  Cupcakes even (though I read people have less success there).

I am tempted to trim down the water a bit, just to see.  Let me know if you try it.   After making it as-written first, please. 

Speaking of, use coffee instead of water.  Or half coffee, half water. 

Use a mixer.*  Don't use a mixer.  It's a one-bowl* wonder.

Here are some don’ts though:

Don't let my weird photos deter you.

Don’t mess with the flour, cocoa, or leavening quantities. 

Don’t add mix-in’s like chips or nuts or fruits.  Those you can add on top of the finished cake.

Why not?   This cake barely holds itself together.  It’s so very soft, not a structural cake.   It’s very (ack trigger warning!, the M word is coming) moist.  Like the moistest chocolate cake ever.  Ever.  Ever.

None of which is remotely a bad thing, obviously, so don’t take it as such.  Just note it's not sturdy and can't handle that kind of stuff.

Do not panic when mixing this. 

Why not?   Because it’ll look like melted ice cream at the end of mixing.  Unnervingly thin.  Somehow it works though, trust the recipe.  And me. 

Don’t over-mix.  And don’t over-bake.

Enough negativity here.

So this is The Best F'ing Chocolate Cake.  I am not joking.  The. 

"This is gonna make it into the blog, right?,” said Mike in response to a forkful of this The Best F'ing Chocolate Cake.

Yeah.  Heh.  Yeah.

A few days into the one I baked for us he said, "yeah ya know, your mom is absolutely right.  This is The Best f***ing chocolate cake you have ever made," while shaking his head.

So, there ya have it.  Bake it.  Bake it today.

Whip out a big bowl* and toss the dry ingredients in there.  Just whisk* that stuff around, no biggie.

Then dump in all the wet sans the boiling water.  Whisk that stuff around. 

I mean, seriously, could this be any simpler?  I think not.

Make sure you've got your bowl on a non-slip surface like a damp towel or non-slip trivet* because that'll make this next step easier:  slowly pour the boiling water into the batter while whisking at the same time.

Once that water is in, it's seriously going to freak you out in the "I have never seen a cake batter this thin.  Is this gonna work?!  No way,” way. 

Bake it.  You'll see. 

Halfway through baking, swap the pans* around just to account for oven hot spots, for even baking and such.

Let those cool in the pan briefly then flip them out.  FYI, there is a chance that the center might sink a bit when cooling but that’s ok, no big deal.  

When a cake is this good, ya kinda do not care what it looks like. 

You can try this trick I just read about:  cool the cakes upside down.  Set a cooling rack* on top of the pans fresh out of the oven and flip the whole thing over. 

Supposedly this cures domed cake tops too, if you’re bothered by those (I’m not).  FYI though, the tops of these cakes are soooo moist, they will stick to the rack or your hands or, well, everything.

Ok!  Once completely cool, frost away, slice up, and good luck not going back for seconds, or thirds, or fourths…

The Best F'ing Chocolate Cake.  It’s The Best for a reason.  Enjoy!

*The mixers, mixing bowls, whisks, non-slip trivets, 9" round cake pans, and cooling racks are Amazon affiliate links.  Happy baking, thanks!  Please see the "info" tab for more, well, info.